


Technicolor (You Made My World)

by kuma166



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-12-07 14:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11625258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuma166/pseuds/kuma166
Summary: Daesung lives in a world where a person will gain ability to see color once that person sees his/her soulmate. However Daesung never thought about colors, until he sees a color between the sea of people.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on prompt: An AU where your entire life you've only seen black and white, until you receive the first touch from your soulmate and color blooms before your very eyes.

Daesung looks up at the sky at the beginning of spring. He can hear birds chirping, singing happy song because finally they can bathe into the warmth of sun. Daesung smells the fragrant cherry blossom and closes his eyes. He inhales the sweet air and smiles. It has been a long time since the last time he came to the park just to enjoy the surrounding. The man actually hates sightseeing –he can’t differentiate the color anyway- but today, if it isn’t because his neighbor _slash_ childhood friend _slash_ senior _slash_ ex-roommate, he wouldn’t be at Yeouido Park and see couples tangling their fingers together –another thing he can’t stand.

The forecast of cherry blossom peak is on point and if it’s not mistaken, the cherry blossom ending is just a week earlier than his birthday. Daesung scoff at the fact. As a boy who was born in spring, it’s hard for Daesung to hate the season of his birthday. He recalls what his mother always said to him on his birthday:

“The cherry blossom might have its ending, but my spring started when you’re born, Kang Daesung, my lovely spring boy.”

As his mother words ringing in his head, a petal falls onto the back of his hand. _It is pink, right?_ He questions himself. _The color that match the sky, if it is really blue,_ he shifts his eyes to take a glance at the sky. _The grass is green, right?_ He glances at the bench, _and the bench is brown,_ he sighs after reading the label on the bench, just at the corner of it. _Fuck,_ he curses. The colors on his mind slowly fade away as the number of his age going up. It never goes down anyway. His hands rubs his face harshly, tired of living in the colorless world.

***

 

Just like the other people in his world, Daesung became color blind after he turned 10 years old, but it never bother him and another people because they will be able to see the color of their soul mate as soon as they turned 17, if they are lucky enough though. Some people found their soul mate at 18, some people taking more time than that, but every person will meet their soul mate eventually. It’s just some people have longer way to meet their significant other.

Daesung lived to believe that his soul mate was none other than Kwon Jiyong, a hyung older than him by eight months. Wherever Jiyong was, Daesung would be there, too. Daesung tailed him everywhere and they couldn’t be separated. Daesung was there when Jiyong turned color blind and Jiyong was there to hug Daesung when the younger turned color blind, too. They helped each other and thought that after turned 17, they would wait no longer to see the color again because they were sure they were each other’s soul mate.

They spent their time imagining the happy fact that they didn’t have to search anywhere for their soul mate. Their parents were childhood friends turned soul mate and it made Daesung and Jiyong put more faith in their relationship. Daesung thought they would marry each other as soon as he turned seventeen. Their parents also believed so that they supported Daesung and Jiyong in any way they could.

It was Jiyong who turned 17 earlier than Daesung. They spent time together at Jiyong’s room at summer night, hoping that Jiyong would see the color of Daesung. But even if Jiyong could see the color, Daesung pleaded that the older man had to keep it secret, not wanting the good moment to be spoilt.

But Daesung kept forgetting that there was a chance that they were not soul mate.

They were holding hands, Jiyong blinked for some times as soon as the clock hands pointed at twelve. The older looked at Daesung who smiled ear to ear. Daesung remembered that Jiyong planted a kiss on his head, without saying anything and hugged Daesung tight while sleeping until the sun was over the horizon.

The first color the people will see first is the color of their soul mate–not even their skin color. Then, if they do intimate things such hugging and kissing, slowly but sure they will see the colors. They will fully see the colors if they make love to each other.

That was why Daesung was sure that Jiyong saw his color despite not saying anything after kissing and hugging Daesung. The younger even felt that Jiyong poured him love more than he used to. Jiyong would lace their fingers together rather than holding it. He would pepper Daesung kisses, other than his lips, almost every time they met. The hug felt even tighter and more possessive, as if Jiyong wouldn’t want Daesung to go anywhere.

How could Daesung think of bad things would happen if Jiyong acted like that?

Daesung sensed something wrong when it was nearing his birthday. Jiyong would fidget when Daesung near him, no kisses and hugs anymore from the older man and Daesung was sure the older man put distance between them. Daesung couldn’t find him at his house, his mother saying that he got some new part-time jobs. Being so naïve, Daesung thought that Jiyong was working hard to save money to buy him something.

 

When it was two hours before the day changed to his birthday, Daesung waited Jiyong outside the Kwon family’s apartment, which just two doors away from his apartment. Jiyong’s mother told him Jiyong’s schedule and the younger knew that Jiyong would not come to the apartment before midnight, so Daesung decided to wait outside, stomach churning, heart drumming at the thought of being able to see the color of his soul mate. He even shyly prepared the lube and condom, in case if Jiyong would want the same thing as him: seeing the colorful world again.

Daesung heard footsteps nearing the place where he crouched and he was sure that it was Jiyong’s –how he kind of dragged his steps and the speed of his steps. He stood straight, hands became clammy as the day has changed and he wanted to see his soul mate.

Then it hit him hard.

 

 

 

 

 

Jiyong still appeared black, white and gray on his eyes. Colorless.

Daesung shook his head and rubbed his eyes, maybe his sight had betrayed him. He ran to Jiyong who was nailed to the ground as soon as he saw Daesung. The younger’s legs became jelly as his nails made crescents onto his palms.

_No, maybe Jiyong Hyung is wearing black._

The younger man took the cap Jiyong was wearing and searching for the label. His heart broke when the label read ‘red’ while his eyes caught only dark grey when he saw the cap. The air became too heavy for Daesung to take a breath. He gulped the non-existent saliva and bit his lower lip hard it bleed. He looked at Jiyong on his eyes, couldn’t understand the situation.

Who was wrong?

Who was right?

_What was us?_

_How could you?_

 

What happened next was Daesung lifted up his right hand and landed it full force on Jiyong’s left cheek. It wasn’t even a minute when Daesung got the same pain on his left cheek. Daesung was in disbelief, his hyung had slapped him. The hard slap broke the dam, Daesung cried a river while Jiyong looked at him with no emotion.

“Don’t you ever think that you’re the only one whose heart is broken right now. Do you know how I feel when I couldn’t see your color eight months ago?” Jiyong almost hissed. “Do you know every time you smile you broke my heart? Do you know how afraid I am to tell you the truth when it only caused pain in our chests? Even you’re not my soul mate, I’ve loved you with all my heart, Daesung-ah.”

Every word hit Daesung hard, hammering the inside of his body. Daesung froze in his place, fists still tight wounding his palms. The tears blurred his vision, but even without seeing clearly, the warmth of Jiyong got closer and then Daesung was enveloped in Jiyong’s embrace.

“I am sorry I lied to you for this long, acting like I could see your color, but please Daesung, don’t hate me.”

Daesung sneaked his arms to Jiyong’s back, fisting his shirt. His heart clenched at the thought that the warmth his familiar at wouldn’t be his for the rest of his life, as what he had believed for so long. It was someone else’s, not him.

_Someone else’s._

“I hate you, Hyung.”

The younger man pushed Jiyong away as the thought of not having Jiyong soul mate. The plans they made together just crumbled like that and Daesung didn’t want to believe it. Not when Jiyong had lied to him for too long. _Eight months of acting? What a good actor._ Daesung turned on his heels, showing his back to Jiyong. Without even looking back at the older man, he walked away, stumbled his feet here and there because of his scattered heart.

Without making any sound on the floor that would make his parents woke up, he went to his own room. Jiyong didn’t call him, nor trying to stop him when he went away. He curled up into a ball on his bed then he decided that the silence in his room was louder than the noises he had ever heard.

His sob gradually calmed down, but the pain stayed in his heart. The wound he didn’t know when it would heal, the wound he didn’t know how to heal.

_Why did Jiyong Hyung lie to me?_

_How come they were not soul mate?_

_What was wrong with them?_

 

 

All the love they had for each other, all the time they sacrifice for each other, all the things they did for each other; would things be a waste since they were not destined to be? Then what should Daesung do if he ever faced Jiyong again? Would Jiyong change the way he treat Daesung?

All the questions were left hanging on Daesung’s head and he slept with pillow wet from his tears.

***

 

When the sun ray woke him up by warming his face up, he really hoped that Jiyong would be on the empty side of his bed. That was what Jiyong would do when they fought with each other and Daesung would do the same when he pissed the older man off. A good morning hug, a breakfast on the bed, and an apology –that was the routine Daesung knew by heart. Daesung shifted his position from laying on his right side to lay on his left side, hands searching for the warmth he used to.

But nothing.

His hands found nothing.

Opening his own eyes was a struggle and he realized that his small eyes might completely disappear because of the swell he had after crying his heart out last night. _So what if Jiyong Hyung is here with me? It won’t change the fact that I am not destined with him._ Despite the coldness of not having the older man beside him, Daesung imagined that Jiyong would be there, thumbs caressing his face, telling him that he was in some sort of dream and he would wake up to see the colorful Jiyong.

But he got nothing.

There were no thumbs caressing Daesung’s face, mapping every corner of his face while giving him his signature gummy smile.

Then Daesung pulled his blanket to cover his empty heart

***

 

Kwon Jiyong was in his last year of senior high school and Kang Daesung was in his second year when they found they were not soul mate. After Jiyong’s birthday and the fight, Daesung hadn’t talked to the older man for almost one month. The new semester happened, the night courses happened, and the preparation for university happened –for Jiyong. He never tried to look for Jiyong at school –he always stayed in his class, even it was the time for lunch break, to avoid meeting with the older boy. He was sure Jiyong didn’t try to look for him because Daesung never saw him coming to his class. Somehow it made him relieved, but there was a void in his heart when he realized their relationship ended just like that.

For some time, Daesung dodged his mother’s questions about Jiyong, why the older man never came to their house again and why her son never spent time with Jiyong anymore. Once, twice, thrice, Daesung had prepared reasons: Jiyong was busy with school and part-time jobs, Jiyong went here and there… But he was never a good liar in front of his mother. A simple ‘tell me the truth’ had broken Daesung’s fortress.

In the morning of the fourth Saturday of their fight, Daesung felt that there was another weight on his bed. Slow but sure, he gained his consciousness first by blinking and rubbing his eyes. His heart started to beat in faster rhythm when he heard a particular sound of breathing. He wriggled, moved to see the owner of that special melody he had carved in his head.

Kwon Jiyong.

 

 _Jiyong Hyung,_ Daesung whispered.

The older man made his own arm as a pillow, a smile brighter than the sun greeted him, showing off his red gum and pearl white teeth. His bright orbs stared at Daesung softly and the younger just wanted to cry.

He missed his hyung so much.

“I’ve missed you so much, Daesung-ah.”

It wasn’t ‘good morning’ or ‘hello’. Jiyong went straight to say what Daesung wanted to say, too. But Daesung’s lips were locked. Four weeks without Jiyong apparently was too much for him.

“Don’t you miss me?” Jiyong asked. The older man’s hand moved to hold his hip then went to rub his back. Daesung couldn’t help but to sink more at the ministration, somehow purring and buried himself to Jiyong’s embrace.

It felt so right, being held by Jiyong, Daesung thought. He was sure he wouldn’t find another place he wanted to be aside Jiyong’s warm chest. He snuggled closer and Jiyong chuckled at how easy it was to melt Daesung’s heart. No, he should be angry and mad to Jiyong. He should be ignoring the older man, but, like opposite side magnet, he found himself attached to Jiyong.

“Daesung-ah? Will you say something?”

The younger inhaled the white musk scent from the thin figure before answering. “I’ve missed you so much you can’t imagine how big my longing for you.”

“Then why don’t you try to find me?”

Daesung’s upper and lower lips glued to each other. He didn’t know what the reason behind his stubbornness was, but what he realized that it ended up hurting himself.

“Aigooo. Stone headed man. In this world, there are only two people who understand this stone head, your mother and I. Oh—” Daesung felt a movement on the top of his head and he was sure Jiyong was shaking his head. “—three I mean. The last one will be your soul mate.”

Daesung looked up to meet Jiyong’s eyes, trying to find something that would ease his own heart. “Will he or she understand me like you, Hyung?”

“I am sure that person is willing to learn about you, my beautiful angel.”

A faint of pink shade appeared on Daesung’s cheekbones, heart flipped here and there at the nickname and his mind wandered again if he would meet someone who would make him feeling something like what Jiyong did to him. His eyes still locked at Jiyong’s and the older man’s eyes never been so sure.

“I am sorry I slapped you,” Daesung freed himself from the embrace, but Jiyong’s hand still on his hip, “I didn’t mean it.”

“Me too, Daesung-ah,” Jiyong cupped his cheek. “Should Hyung kiss the pain away?” Jiyong’s eyebrows wiggled and he threw a smirk at Daesung.

Daesung laughed wholeheartedly, the hole in his heart slowly filled by the happiness, uneasy feeling faded away just like that. Even though Jiyong wasn’t his soul mate, the fact that Jiyong still loved him— _wait._

“Hyung, will you still love me? This won’t change anything, right?” Daesung bit his lower lip as his eyes searched for the truth in Jiyong’s eyes.

Jiyong looked up at the ceiling for a while then gazed back at the younger boy. “Do you want the truth or honey-glazed words?”

The distance between Daesung’s eyebrows narrowed, couldn’t understand the question Jiyong gave to him. “Of course I want the truth.”

“My love for you won’t change, but of course I will love my soul mate more than you after I found her or him,” Jiyong carded his fingers on the youngers hair ever so softly. Daesung’s heart still went drumming and he surrendered at the calming feeling Jiyong made him into.

“I’m not sure if I want that to happen. Not when you’re the one who makes my heart flutters like this, Hyung.”

“I bet your heart will go crazy, stomach flip here and there, and head goes dizzy when you’re finally can see the color of your soul mate, Daesung-ah. Think about the effect that multiplies thousand times compared what I feel or you feel right now.”

“How do you know? You haven’t met your soul mate, haven’t you?” Daesung took Jiyong’s hand away from his head. Somehow, he had another uneasy feeling creeping up his heart when he heard Jiyong blabbering.

“I haven’t, but the stories we heard all over again are enough for us to imagine that, right?”

Daesung scoffed, “Really? You’ve got this smile plastered all over your face,” the younger waved his palm over his own face. “Like you really know what would happen if you meet your soul mate.”

“I hope we will meet our soul-mates at the same time so we can share the feelings, Daesung-ah,” Jiyong said and kissed the top of his head lovingly.

***

 

Of course that didn’t happen –the finding soul mates together.

At his third year in university, Jiyong left Daesung color blind alone because he caught a glimpse of his soul-mate at the very beginning of new semester. When the new students were gathered at their faculty hall, Jiyong grasped Daesung’s coat as he mumbled ‘I found…’ over and over again during the ceremony. Jiyong saw his soul mate’s color first, although it was only his backside since he was standing in front of Jiyong.

 _‘In the galaxy so dark, I’ve finally found my star,’_ that was Jiyong said to him.

 

 

 

Then there he is, waiting for his Jiyong Hyung to come at the park. He dragged Daesung to watch his soul mate’s performance since it is the first showcase of the younger lover of Jiyong and Daesung couldn’t say no to the eyes that sent pleas to him.

“Daesung-ah?”

Daesung snaps at the familiar voice. He looks up and finds Jiyong who shows his gummy smile at him. Jealousy starts to invade his heart and his head when he sees Jiyong’s cheeks are painted with another color that he believes is pink. The color he remembers would appear on Little Jiyong’s cheeks whenever the older man was cold after playing snowball with him.

“Sorry for making you wait for so long. Let’s go now so we can get closer to the stage!” Jiyong wraps his fingers around Daesung’s wrist, tugging him away from the bench without listening what Daesung wants to say, but Daesung plays along with him.

Since Jiyong found his soulmate, Daesung realizes that the older man somehow radiates, glowing, like he is some kind of a light. Not the bright one Daesung has on his desk to help him when he studies, but the one the restaurants have: dim but beautiful. Or, if Daesung can explain more, it is like the light when the sun sets into the horizon, not the blinding his eyes, but pleasant to see.

True to his words, Jiyong never loves Daesung less –he still loves Daesung the same. But while Daesung gets the ‘same’, Jiyong naturally gravitates to his soul mate more. Not to mention when he saw a smug grin on the older man’s face after a night spent away from their shared apartment; the time Daesung knew that Jiyong has seen the colors.

Daesung was left alone, color blind.

 

They stop at the spot not too close to the stage but also not too far that they can’t see the performance. The spot is perfect and Jiyong hopes the crowd won’t push them back.

“I wonder what Seungri is doing now,” Daesung hears a giggle escaped from Jiyong’s mouth while gripping Daesung’s hand tight. Love radiates from his eyes while his head ducking to get a glimpse of Seungri. “Is he nervous because this is his first showcase?”

Upon hearing the name of Jiyong’s soulmate, Daesung flinches. Daesung is sure that the shorter man who stands beside him has said the name of the younger more than he said Daesung’s. Since he found out the identity of his blonde-haired soulmate, Jiyong would never stop saying something about him, hurting Daesung’s inside every time he said Seungri or Lee Seunghyun, the blonde’s real name.

The blonde is younger than the two of them, majoring in dance while Jiyong majoring in music composition major and Daesung majoring in vocal. Lee Seunghyun was a trainee in a famous agency in South Korea but decided to quit after his parent opposed the idea him being an idol for his life, but agreed when he said he would be a dance teacher _slash_ professional dance instead. That was what Jiyong told him.

“Have I told you that I composed the music he’s going to dance to?” Jiyong giggles again.

Of course he has heard it like, thousand times. Every showcase requires cross-major cooperation and it wasn’t hard for Seungri to ask for Jiyong’s help. Jiyong would go back to their apartment late, exhausted but happy because he helped his soul-mate and his group for their first showcase.

“Daesung are you here with me?”

Daesung feels a tug on his shirt and his eyes catch a pout.

“You didn’t answer all of my questions. Heck, you’re being all silent today.”

The younger rolls his eyes. _What I am supposed to answer?_ He screams inwardly. He lets out a sheepishly grin because he really doesn’t know what to respond.

“You don’t like I dragged you out from your cave? You’ve been living like a pig!” Jiyong hisses like a snake.

If it’s an animation, Daesung thinks that his nose will change into pig’s nose and on the background there will be ‘oink-oink’ sound when Jiyong said he’s been living like a pig. But it is not an animation and Daesung shrugs. “I am worried about my second showcase,” he finally says something.

“Oh? You haven’t found a person yet?” Jiyong’s jaw drops at the statement. “I thought you had prepared it since… Autumn last year?”

“I did, but apparently my professor said contemporary dance won’t give me much point because it will showcase the dance more than it’ll show my vocal,” Daesung looks blankly at the people who are preparing the stage. “I have to have someone who can play guitar or piano for me. That way I can actually sing and show off my techniques.”

As soon as Daesung finished his sentence, the MC greets them and it is the cue for the people to focus to the stage. Quite a lot people come to the showcase as it is one of the three times the students of Art Faculty could show off their talent. There will be small groups performing traditional music instruments, musical ensemble, vocal groups and dance groups. The spring stage is mostly filled by the second year students and they will perform in groups while the summer stage, which Daesung will perform at, is a special stage for the third year.

Daesung sighs heavily again. _Damn,_ he curses himself. He was so sure his professor _slash_ advisor would agree at his proposal, that was making a music video with contemporary dancer, then at the second part of the music video, he and the dancer would come out and perform on the stage. He had made a dummy video with the help of his friends who is a dancer and also a friend from visual communication design to help with the idea. However, instead of praise, he got a scold from his professor, saying that he needed to think clearly as the people from famous agency (which are his friends) will come to see the stage and his professor had a high hope for Daesung.

‘You will work as a vocal trainer or even a singer, Daesung- _goon_ ,’ his professor said to him.

His mind is busily wandering here and there while he realizes that his Jiyong Hyung grabs his thumb. The older man just points his chin to the stage and a blonde man comes to the stage to introduce the group.

“Hi!” Daesung recognizes Seungri’s happy tone even he hasn’t set his eyes at the blonde man. “We’re VICTORY from—”

 

Seungri’s voice fades away in the background as Daesung looks up at the sky then slowly shifts his eyes to see the line of cherry blossom trees. There are a lot more people outside the small barriers that were set for the audiences. His eyes catch couples walking at the park while cherry blossom petals fall and shower them. Even though it’s a distance away, Daesung almost can hear the laughter the woman produce while sneaking her hands into her soul mate. Daesung sees they kiss each other passionately and he casts away his head to the other direction—

 

 

_A light._

Daesung’s breath hitches and he feels nauseous all of a sudden. A low jab goes straight to his gut. _No way,_ he thinks. But he is sure he wouldn’t mistake another color. It’s shining bright in Daesung’s eyes even though he is in the sea of colorless objects. His legs almost give away at the color he sees.

_Brown._

It is blur, but he remembers the color of the chocolate Jiyong would give him as a bribe when he wanted something from Daesung. It was the color of the bench he usually sat with Jiyong at the park near their apartments. It was the color of the door to his room.

The color, no, the person doesn’t move for some seconds and Daesung gulps. _It is a ‘he’_ , Daesung says to himself, heart racing at the sight. _Tall, black-haired…_

Daesung takes his time to the first color he sees after he became color blind. But as he takes his time, the bright light and brown color moves. The first thing that came in his mind was to scream stop when the color becomes distant from him. But he is sure the person couldn’t hear him as the music from the speaker is too loud for his liking. He pushes the other people while mouthing endless sorry to the people who are mad at him, leaving perplexed Jiyong behind. He doesn’t care the curses thrown at him—he makes his way to the direction that he believes would lead him to his Mr. Brown.

_My soul mate._

 

His legs move faster than his brain that is still processing the new information about the color he is seeing, but that makes his movements unsteady and he trips, breaking the contact with Mr. Brown. When he finds himself is outside the barrier, he lost his sight of his soul mate. His fingers ball up into fists and his legs give up on him, making the man falls on the ground.

Many pairs of eyes look down at him, but he doesn’t care anymore. He wants to run, but he doesn’t know where to run. He wants to—

 

Then he finds some strength to get himself standing up and looking around the park. He runs while eyes looking around to search for the light, the color he saw after years in colorless world. His breath becomes erratic as he notices he has reached the east side of the park, quite far from the stage.

Daesung bends forward while arms on his knees to support his upper body. _How can a people run that fast?_ Daesung is sure he ran fast than he’s ever done in his life just to search for a person he doesn’t know.

A person he’s supposed to know.

A person he’s supposed to be with.

 

 

 _Why so desperate?_ A little voice in his head mocks him. _You’ve never been so desperate before._

 

Daesung silently agrees with the voice. He stopped caring for quite a long time compared to the people around him who constantly searching for their soul mates. Daesung didn’t care and Daesung never cared. All the happy stories, all of his friends’ persuasions and all of public display affection by Seungri and Jiyong wouldn’t waver him. Moreover, he stopped imagining things when his dream to be with Jiyong was shattered just like that.

_Believing things makes someone vulnerable._

As he gets back on his feet, tears involuntarily escape from the corner of his eyes and he wipes it with his thumbs quickly. However, the dam has broken already and he prefers to squat on the ground before he falls. Covering his face, he lets out broken and silent sobs. He cries his heart out.

 

He feels so lost.

After seeing the light for the first time, all the fortress he had built for himself shatters, the longing feeling seeps through the pieces and he really wants to see the colors people are talking about. He wants to see colors instead of imagining it. He’s also tired of not able to get full affection from Jiyong who has Seungri already. He wants to be hugged, the warmth that would be there surrounding his body to go through the cold nights.

He wants someone to be by his side.

 

_Why didn’t I search for my light sooner?_

 

Daesung fishes out the handkerchief in his pocket and wipes his face dry from the mucus and tears. He laughs bitterly at himself. Why his heart has to be broken once again? How could it break again when it’s been broken before? He clutches his heart, _how much I should suffer before someone come and mend my broken heart?_

The broken-hearten man stands up with all the left might he has. He brushes off the dust he has on his trousers earlier and goes back to meet Jiyong. _Jiyong Hyung must’ve been surprised to see me flew away just like that._

 

As Daesung walks, a pair of eyes tailing him. The owner of the eyes fixes his eyeglass and blinks a few times before muttering something.

“Sunshine.”

 

 

Years goes by after his 17th birthday and Daesung honestly believed that he would feel content with Jiyong stayed on his side. Nothing strayed too far from they had planned: Jiyong and Daesung strived for their dreams and applied at the same university. Daesung was happy, very happy if he could say, but after the color he saw at the park, he realizes that there is something insufficient with only being happy. It has been a long time since he felt like he’s swept off from his feet and heart beating so fast because of _first-times._

The twenty one years old man experienced many of his first-time with Jiyong -kiss, hug, hold hand. All the gestures made him giggling uncontrollably, even years after that the _first-times_ would have his lips tugged into a smile. However, catching the color of his soul mate, even it was just a glimpse of that, created grand feelings and popped many questions for him.

_Maybe this was what Jiyong Hyung felt when he found Seungri._

Daesung pulls his hair and lets out a loud growl. Fortunately, he is alone in the class (because he got there very early, thanks to his insomnia) that no one will look at them strangely. Moreover, he didn’t get a good sleep after the day at the park and it affects his mood. He tends to be grumpier by the fourth day of tossing his body here and there on his small bed.

Taking a deep breath, he absent-mindedly plays with his pen and then he sees his own pencil case. He remembers having small marker that has color brighter than black to differentiate the black color of notes on his music sheets. He usually uses the marker for writing small notes over the music sheets and since he could only see in grayscale, the marker helps him a lot. He takes the marker out from his pencil case and spells the color stated at the cap.

**Light Brown**

Daesung can’t imagine the light brown, but the word brown seems to fill his mind lately and he becomes somewhat frustrated over the fact that he lost the sight of his soul mate. A loud thud is heard –Daesung’s temple kissed the hard wooden table in front of him, but he doesn’t care. Maybe passing out could help him getting some rest he needs so much.

 

 

 

“Yo, man! G’morning!”

A familiar voice greets him and Daesung feels he doesn’t have to greet the owner back, although it would come out disrespectful. He believes the man will underst—

 

A pinch on his arm startles Daesung and he immediately caresses the painful spot.

“A junior must respect his senior by greeting back, you rascal!”

Daesung mouths some bad words but not loud enough to be heard by his senior who beams a bright smile at him. His white teeth never fail to amaze Daesung and not to mention his eye-smile.

“ _Moooorningg…_ ” Daesung sings the word like he’s singing in an opera play and the senior who still standing beside him shakes his head.

“You brag so much about your voice. I don’t know why I keep you beside me, though.”

“Because my voice is really good and it is an ear candy, right Taeyang Seonbae?”

A hit lands on his head and Daesung has to control himself not to lose his sanity. The side effect of lack of sleep starts to dominate his body and he doesn’t want to have a body fight with the muscular man beside him. He groans again when he finds Youngbae hit him with bundles of papers, which Daesung assumes is a material for his upcoming class, considering that Youngbae is the assistant of the professor.

“I told you to call me Hyung. Youngbae Hyung,” the senior pulls a chair and sits on it before he continues to talk. “If you keep call me Seonbae, I’ll act the way a true senior has to be: harsh to their juniors. But I know you still want me to help you.”

Daesung scoffs, “Have you ever heard that you’re a son of a devil, Hyung? I really want to tell the world that Angelic Taeyang on stage is really different from satanic Dong Youngbae.”

“I am the devil myself, Daesung-ah,” Youngbae smirks at him. “Oh by the way, why are you here so early and what’s with the long face? Even longer than the horse.”

The struggle is real inside Daesung’s head. Even though he has known the man beside him for two years, it has always been a casual conversation, sometimes Seungri would be the topic of their conversation as he’s the only connection they have. Youngbae is a dance major and so is Seungri, so they will talk about Seungri this and Seungri that. It’s not enough for Daesung to trust his heart. _Because trusting your heart to someone will hurt you at the end._

“Daesung you can trust me,” Youngbae holds his hand and gives him an assured look. Youngbae is the one who always tries to break the high wall surrounding Daesung’s heart, but Daesung is just too stubborn to see the sincere intention. “You can trust me when you when someone to hear your story.”

The younger man fights with himself, pondering whether he should share the problem he has in mind or not. Seeing the eager Youngbae, he heaves a sigh and nods, “Okay. Are you sure you want to hear me?”

“Of course, we have like ten minutes before the class start and before I become busy. Straight to the story, Kiddo!”

“Have—” Daesung gulps the lump in his throat. “Have you seen your soul mate?”

“Well. Of course I have. It’s been three months since the first time I saw her,” Youngbae’s eyes now full of twinkling stars as he tells Daesung story.

“Then? Have you done anything to, you know, chase her?”

“Chase?” Youngbae laughs. “Why should I chase her?”

Daesung bits his lower lips, thinking of the wrong choice of word. “I mean, now you have seen her color, have you done anything to, I don’t know, get to know her? Or you have known her before?”

“Well, if you mean ‘get to know’ instead of ‘chasing’, then I did do something. Since she isn’t in my circle of friends, I had to ask this friend of friend to help me introducing myself. Oh my God, that was more nerve-wracking than having to perform in a stage. How about you? I think you never told me anything about that. Well, _we_ never talk from heart to heart, right?” Youngbae shrugs, emphasizing the word ‘we’.

Daesung rubs his “Well, it’s not that… We know each other?”

“Woah, woah? I’m hurt! This is an unrequited love! You!” Youngbae puts his palm on his chest, feeling offended. “Anyway, I congratulate you and thank you for taking first step to open your heart for me. Now continue, we don’t have much time left. How about you, Daesung-ah? Have you seen the light of your life?”

 _The light of your life,_ Daesung repeats once more in his head. _He is the light of my life._

“I assume that as a yes and now you’re freaking out. Am I right?”

Daesung nods.

“And you don’t know what to do next.”

Daesung nods again.

“Then we should go to somewhere to discuss this.”

Daesung rolls his eyes. _This man!_

“You have to be careful for the next step since that person is a stranger for you even though it was written in the stars that the person is your soul mate. I have been courting my lady for two months and despite haven’t fully got out from the color-blindness, it is really good to see outside the grayish tone,” Youngbae continues his story and pats Daesung at the end of his sentence. He gives Daesung a million watt smile.

“One last question. May I know your soul mate is?”

The professor comes to the class and Youngbae pulls something from his backpack before he hugs the bundles of materials near to his chest. It is a pamphlet of their university’s museum and Daesung throws a confused look at Youngbae. The older just mouths ‘open it’ before going to meet the professor. The younger man obeys it and opens the pamphlet just to see a very beautiful woman. Her long black hair framed his small face, eyes as big as deer’s and her smile melted the hearts of the people who see the picture of her. The caption read: Min Hyorin, Volunteer.

_Youngbae Hyung is so lucky._

***

 

 

Youngbae advised him to go to park to trace the presence of Mr. Brown –the name Youngbae gave to the mysterious man. That was the conclusion after two hours of conversation accompanied by bubble tea after the class. Daesung felt like he was used but Youngbae said that it was the payment for him.

Every time he has spare time between classes or day off, Daesung would go to the park. Then again, he doesn’t have any exact plan except to wander around the park. Sometimes when the birds’ chirp was heard from his apartment, he has worn his running shoes and sweatpants, ready to jog around the park. Of course his eyes would not just trailing the jogging track but also look for any color other than grey, black and white.

On average, he spends two or three hours every day to search for Mr. Brown and he has done it for three weeks. Thanks to new everyday routines, jogging and doing some muscle exercises at the park with the _ahjummas_ , the muscles on his arms and legs have built up and he felt healthier despite the exhausting attempts of looking for Mr. Brown.

The date has become 22nd of April when he decides to sit at the bench of the park instead of jogging around. Some of his black locks peeking out from his hoodie and he quietly pulls it to cover his eyes. Resting his eyes is much better thing to do right now than looking around the park, observing the area one by one without knowing when to stop.

Some questions popping out as he closes his eyes. Does the search of his soul mate have no ending? What if Mr. Brown went abroad and he only has a little chance to meet him? Everyone seems to find their own soul mate, why he has to wait and search for his soul mate while the other met their soul mate easily?

Daesung kicks the small stone that was near his right foot. Should he stop looking for him and wait for the day when they will gravitate to each other? But when it will come? Regardless of the unanswered question on his head which only make his head dizzy, he stands out and walks away from the park.

Maybe it’s time to pamper himself in a bubble bath, thinking another things such as his upcoming birthday and where the gang and he should go to celebrate his 22nd birthday.

 

 

 

As Daesung goes away, like the other day, someone fixes his glasses and stands up from the bench meters away from where Daesung sat. The owner of the glasses is sure Daesung couldn’t see him but his spot was the best spot for him to stare at Daesung unnoticed. He always finds Daesung smiling but, unlike the days before, his sunshine covered by dark cloud and he doesn’t like it.

***

 

 

 

“So, do you have something you want to do at your birthday Hyung?” Seungri breaks the quiet living room where Jiyong and Daesung live together. Jiyong is busy cooking dinner for them in the kitchen, the sound of meat sizzling clearly heard from where Daesung and Seungri sit.

Daesung looks at the calendar without answering Seungri’s question before shaking his head. He thought about a plan, of course, plans even, but nothing feels right. He wants to go camping but the weather forecast it will rain at Yeosu, where the place is good for camping at the beach. Moreover, if they go camping, he will be the only one who is soulmate-less and although asking Youngbae is good enough Daesung doesn’t have heart to separate Youngbae and his soul mate. Going to the café and spend the night with the boys seems a good plan, _but meh,_ Daesung sighs.

“Going to the diner it is! There is a diner I know that is set like a bar where you can drink alcohol but they still serve foods for dinner or snacks! There’s even a mini stage for live performance!” Seungri suddenly announces the news and Daesung throws a death glare to him. “I mean, if you want,” the younger man quickly adds some more words to ease the glare. “Jiyongie Hyung and I will pay for your food and drinks, of course. I will ask Youngbae Hyung to join us, too. Maybe he could bring his model soul mate? Right, Jiyong Hyung?” Seungri raises his voice a little for Jiyong to hear and Daesung hears a loud yes from the kitchen.

Between the involuntarily silence between the three of them, Daesung is thinking about the idea going to a diner. Free foods and drinks tempt him, of course. As he sits on the chair and Jiyong set the table for the younger men, Daesung opens his mouth. “I think I will go with that idea. Promise me you will pay for all my drinks and foods?”

Seungri squeezes his arms, eyes set on Daesung’s. Sometimes, Daesung is bothered on how Seungri likes to touch him, but he learns to accept the younger man’s habit. “That’s what I meant! On April 26th, you will be a king for ONLY a day, Hyung. Jiyong Hyung and I will be your servants,” Seungri gives him a little bow, but Jiyong gives Seungri a smack on his head.

“Don’t promise Daesung such a thing! He tends to be a very irrational king if you give him power!” crossing his arms on his chest, Jiyong begins his rant. “He will use his power to abuse you and I, Kwon Jiyong, never agreed to be Kang Daesung’s slave! You remember that, Daesung-ah?” Jiyong points his fore finger at Daesung.

Daesung muffles a giggle then he flicks Seungri’s temple. “You promised me and you have agreed to be my slave!”

“Servaaaantt!” Seungri says while rubbing his temple. “That hurts, you know! AND! There is a difference between slave and servant!”

“Tell me.”

“Slave will do everything the king asks and servant…” Seungri pouts while thinking about the right words.

“…and servant will do everything the king asks them to do,” Daesung continues the unfinished sentence.

“OKAY!” Jiyong stops the younger men from another debate. “Seungri you promised him and Daesung do not abuse him! I will lend Seungri for a day and do not hurt my Panda!” the commanding tone got Daesung smiling. Sure he won’t do anything to Seungri as Jiyong treasure him so much. He just wants to mess with Seungri a little.

Come to think about it, with Jiyong and Seungri around him, for he doesn’t only have an older brother and younger brother, he feels like Seungri is his mischievous little brother. He doesn’t mind being a middle child if he has a set of brothers like them.

“Seungri, would you please take the blue napkin over the counter? I spilled some sauce on my white shirt,” Jiyong asks Seungri and the youngest between them runs quickly to the kitchen.

“There is no blue napkin, though? Only yellow and pink one?” Seungri says.

“The pink one will do. Hurry or it will stain my shirt.”

 

Daesung stares at the couple as his mind is full with the colors slipped out from Jiyong’s and Seungri’s mouth. He thinks about how convenience it is to point at the napkin without having to look it one by one and read the label attached on it. If it was Daesung who Jiyong asked to take the napkin for him, Daesung is sure that the sauce would dry on Jiyong’s shirt and the stain will forever be there.


	2. Chapter 2

It is a good day for Daesung.

The day started with Seungri making him the upgraded version of his special tuna omelet (basically his usual tuna omelet but he added red pepper paste to make it somewhat spicy). It was a healthy breakfast and now he is having a good lunch, too. Seungri prepared him two lunch boxes and he was surprised to see fruit and vegetable salad in one container and pretty beef kimbap in the other.

Daesung munches his strawberry and Seungri is massaging his shoulders while Jiyong only stares at the younger men. There is a slight guilt in Daesung heart but he really wants to take revenge –a childish one- at Seungri who stole his Jiyong Hyung. He never got to do that and Seungri offered his body just like that by promising Daesung to be his servant for one day.

He lets himself to be selfish for one day, because when he opened his eyes this morning, he promised himself to let Jiyong go. Slowly.

Seungri indeed is a boy with a big heart. He knows the story between Daesung and Jiyong but he never complains. He shares Jiyong, saying that Jiyong is eventually his and that is enough for him. His Kwon Jiyong would never go anywhere, he believes, and he thinks Daesung as Jiyong’s little brother.

‘ _I think of you as my older brother. I don’t have older brother. Will you think of me as your little brother?’_ was what Seungri said to him one day when Daesung asked him why he never seemed jealous of his relationship with Jiyong.

Daesung was embarrassed inside. Seeing Jiyong and Seungri together lit the jealousy inside his heart up, but Seungri put it off with kind words.

But still, he is jealous.

 

 

 

“Hyung? Don’t doze off on me!” Seungri pinches his shoulder and Daesung elbows him hard, to which Jiyong hit his thigh mercilessly.

“I said don’t hurt my Panda! What if he becomes stressed and the black circles under his eyes become even darker?”

Seungri gives Daesung a victory smirk and he uses his cuteness to Jiyong, earning him a soft caress on his chubby cheeks. Grimacing, Daesung looks away as he caught Jiyong pecked Seungri on his lips.

“Could you not?” Daesung hisses.

“Could we not what?” Seungri protrudes his lips. “Panda needs to charge his energy and the source of the energy is his dragon over here. Kings later, lover first!” the so-called panda cups Jiyong’s cheeks and pecks him on the lips again and again for Daesung to see. Shaking his head, Daesung stands up and leaves the love-birds alone.

 

“Don’t forget to be ready at 7 sharp, Daesung-ah! I’ll come to pick you last because I have to pick Youngbae up first!”

Daesung waves his hands only to the older man as he walks away. Nothing feels good as a place to rest his mind, but when Mr. Brown came to his mind, he moves his feet to the park. There are only some cherry blossom trees that has the flowers left since it was raining the night before and the smell of pertichor still lingers around the park. Daesung sees no bench left for him than he decides to walk to a cotton candy stand.

Ordering the cloud like sweet, his eyes are set at the machine and the seller’s hands. They move fast but precisely gathering the thin strands. In a blink of eyes, the fluffy candy is given to him. However, the cotton candy is somewhat different than usual. It isn’t the gray tone he usually saw; it is brighter color than usual. Looking at his candy, he asks the seller.

“This is not the same color as usual, right?”

“No, dear customer. That is a haze pink. Faint pink.”

“I see. That is not the usual pink, I guess?”

“Yes. I think the faint pink and the cherry blossom petals are more like it than the usual pink I use. You can compare the cotton candy with the left petals on those trees,” the seller points at the trees not far away from them. “Too bad the rain made the cherry blossom ends faster than usual.”

Daesung smiles at the cotton candy seller and gives the money to him before turning on his heels. He lifts his cotton candy up to compare the color with the petals left. He opens and closes his left eye when he compares it. The wind blows and something flew into his eyes, making him rubbing them. As he opens his eyes slowly, he catches a color. However, the things on his eyes hasn’t gone off completely and he ends up closing his eyes again while walking to the direction.

 

Brown.

Brown.

_Brown._

 

He chants the color while forcing his eyes to open. His cotton candy was long forgotten and it ended up at the nearest trash bin.

When he is able to see again, he looks around the park. The regret and sadness wash over him that he forgets to breathe properly.

_Why?_

“WHERE ARE YOUUU???” Daesung shouts his lung out despite the eyes that look at him strangely. His knees touch the ground and he shouts to the sky once again. Maybe, if he shouts the person he’s looking for will come to him.

Maybe if he shouts, the burden lessens and Daesung could take a nap he deserves.

Maybe, just maybe, he will find clue about how to find that person in his dream.

***

 

Seungri has reserved a quite secluded area at the diner. Although they can’t see the stage, they are able to hear well if there is a performance. It is only four of them around the table: Youngbae, Seungri, Jiyong and the birthday boy himself. They arrived at the diner around 8 o’clock, just in time the crowd starts to fill the diner. There are a lot of people who just came from the work, as their attires show it all: formal trousers or skirt but their shirts are unbuttoned, revealing their chests a bit. Some of the women have their long hair tied in ponytails –time to let off some workloads from their shoulders.

As for the four men, they are enjoying their meals and having conversation about their life. The curious Youngbae asks Jiyong and Seungri how it feels to see the color of the world again and the couple answers it happily that Daesung can see blinking stars on their eyes. Part of him is jealous of the couple and also Youngbae, because Youngbae is also able to see colors although not fully seeing it. He said that he’ll wait until Hyorin is ready, even if that means they’ll have to marry first and then fully being together.

“You know, guys, I am super excited to see her colors, all of them. But then I am very scared. What if I faint when I got to see the colors? Because, you know, she’s super beautiful even though I only saw some of the colors. Like, I got to see the faint pink on her cheeks and how fair her skin is. But I believe, once we’re unite as one, she’ll be more beautiful than that. What if I died from heart attack because my heart can’t stop beating so fast?” Youngbae says to the couple while Daesung gulps down his third glass of beer.

The statement sounds as half bragging in Daesung’s ears and Daesung just wants to puke his beer out from his stomach. Youngbae is a cheesy person, he knows that, but as the only colorblind person among the four of them, he can’t relate to the conversation.

Daesung stealthily moves himself away from the ones who have met their soul mate, but still at the same table. The night hasn’t even started yet but Daesung feels that he has drunk too much. Youngbae, Seungri and Jiyong have promised to pay for his drinks anyway and he will make the best out of it by buying another alcohol and he prefers to have one bottle of wine.

Having his birthday falls on fiery Friday somehow makes him happy. The crowds create a false noise that distract him from the loneliness he felt. He darts his eyes on the left beer in his glass, paying attention at the bubbles and foams left. It’s more interesting for him than hearing the couple and Youngbae’s conversation. _What kind of king that is left by their servant?_ Daesung blows more air from his nostrils and closed his eyes. _If this is the worst birthday I’ve ever had, then what about next year? Will it be worse than I have now? There is no words after worst, right?_

The half-sober man is gulping down another beer down to his throat when he hears the MC announces that someone with foreign name will perform a new song and the MC was informed the performer wants the people at the diner to give him evaluate the song. Daesung hears the cheers and whispers from another table saying that they have waited for the singer for so long and they are happy to be able to meet him.

Daesung slouches on the chair, not interesting at all regardless all the hype in the diner welcoming the singer. That isn’t his concern neither he is interested in hearing or seeing the performance. He just closed his eyes, not realizing that Seungri is bringing a small cake with candles on it for the birthday boy. Daesung was in his own dark world until he hears a voice that makes him opened his eyes.

“Hello! Good evening everybody!” the unusual deep voice greets the audience. “I am Mark, in case you forgot my name already from the MC.” Deep chuckles come out from the speaker. “I am so happy to be here again and thank you for the applause and cheer from all of you. Like all you heard before, this is a new song and I would like you all to hear and if you like it, please give a big round of applause, yes?”

The crowd applauses once again and he hears chuckles from the microphone. Daesung now sits straight while trying to have a glance to the stage, but the table is quite far from the stage that he can’t do anything but to hear only the voice. He ignores Seungri’s tugs on his shirt who is trying to inform him that there is a cake and candles for him to blow.

“Oh, and I heard that someone is having his 22nd birthday here and I would like to say happy birthday to him. Congrats! You’re getting old! If you have found your soul mate, then may you always be happy forever and ever. However, if you haven’t found the one, then please enjoy this song. This song is dedicated for all of you who haven’t found the light of your life, just like me. Once again, happy birthday, ehm, Kang Daesung?”

The singer sounds a little bit unsure when he said the name but Daesung is sure that it’s his name the singer said. He looks at Seungri who winks at him and Daesung gets it. The younger must’ve told the MC or whoever that is to announce his birthday loudly. A woman and a man who sit beside his table congratulate him as they saw the cake on his table.

Daesung ears catch melodies come out from the string instrument the singer played –guitar- and Daesung makes his way to the stage to see the one who gave him a congratulation on his birthday. _No, I haven’t found my soul mate and I doubt I will soon,_ Daesung scoffs.

The beautiful deep voice is heard and Daesung marvels at how clear the pronunciation of the singer. Actually, the song lulls the person who hears it and it doesn’t suit the Friday fiery spirit, but somehow no one is against it.

_Those stars shining there_

_Do they know how I feel?_

_Everything is tiring and torturing_

_At this dark night I thought ‘who am I?’_

_The quietly shining street light_

_Does it know how I feel?_

_There I found your image_

_Just like me you’re waiting for someone_

_Hello hello hello how are you today?_

_Hello hello hello what about you?_

_I’m still waiting for you_

Daesung is nailed to the ground when he hears the lyric. It’s like the singer is mocking him, but he can relate to the lyric. He is indeed waiting for someone. He is waiting for someone to come.

As his curiosity becomes bigger, he strides to the stage. The crowd is no joke and even though Daesung is only some meters away, he couldn’t see the stage and the singer. So he decides to stop and hear the song despite his curiosity eating him.

_Is there still a fluttering feeling_

_To the people walking on the street?_

_That smile is new to me now_

_Disregarded in this darkness on the way home_

_Drunk night on the street_

_No matter how I shouted_

_No one knows how I feel_

_This is me that you find everyday_

_Like a child, still waiting for you alone_

_Hello hello hello how are you today?_

_Hello hello hello what about you?_

_I’m still waiting for you_

The song is nearing its end, Daesung knows, when some parts being sung again and again. He has to see the singer and say thank you to him for making a song that explains his heart well. Daesung then slowly pushes some people aside to make his way closer to the stage although he can hear the cursing words here and there.

The noise from the crowd fades to the background when Daesung sees the person who is holding the guitar while bowing to the audience. His heart skipped a beat and he forgets how to breathe normally as his eyes glued to a specific person who hasn’t looked at him yet.

 _Mr. Brown,_ Daesung calls him as he breathes out.

 

Their eyes finally meet and at that time, it seems that in the world there are just the two of them, no other noises but their heart thundering and they see no other things but each other.

When Daesung is able to look at him closely like this, Mr. Brown appears in a various gradient of brown; his hair is dark brown with some lighter brown as highlight and his skin is haze brown. Not to mention he is wearing a brown sweater. Daesung wants to see another color, but all he sees is brown.

 _Mr. Brown,_ Daesung mutters between his ragged breaths again.

 

 

Daesung expects that the singer will reach him out as the distance between them is a meter away. However, the singer just turns his back at Daesung to which Daesung freezes at the action. He brings his guitar with him and disappears behind the dark back stage.

The crowd dismissed and he in his confusion, Youngbae taps him on the shoulder, to which he regains his sense again.

“Hey, Bro? Why did you leave us?” Youngbae holds his right arm and tows him to go back to their table but Daesung swats his hand away.

“Mr. Brown, Hyung,” he says weakly. “I need to catch him.” Daesung runs again, leaving the puzzled older man behind.

_Just how many times I need to run to catch you?_

 

Daesung jumps to the stage, startling the people left on the stage and runs again to the backstage. _What? What should I say to him? Why didn’t he come to me if he can see my colors? Or he isn’t able to see my color because he isn’t 17 yet? Who is his name again? Dark? Mark?_

It wasn’t long until he catches a color attached into a particular person who opens the door to the back alley. Daesung doesn’t get any chance to say ‘wait’ as the door closed abruptly. He clearly could hear his heart drops as the loud bang came after. Not wasting any time, he moves faster to the back alley.

As he looks around, fortunately he sees a person walking faster on the path which leads to main road. It is easy for Daesung to catch his left arm thanks to weeks jogging and exercising while trying to find the man that is now in front of his eyes.

 

“W-wh-whait…” Daesung doesn’t want to plea but it sounds like one. “Y-you, w-wh-why… _hah…_ Don’t go –hah- away…” Daesung manages to say what he wants first and he is proud of that.

He bends forward, one arm on his knee to support his upper body and the other keeps holding the coat Mr. Brown is wearing. _Shit,_ Daesung cusses while trying to manage his breath. The alcohol he gulped down before begins to have effect on him. He uses the consciousness left on him to get some information about the man. At least that was he planned to do.

Then he sees a handkerchief in front of his eyes. “For you.”

Daesung takes a deep breath before standing straight. The dim light makes it difficult for him to observe the man, who Daesung realizes, is standing taller than him. Not to mention he is dizzy from the sudden work out to catch Mr. Brown. The handkerchief still offered to him and Daesung takes it and wipes the sweat beads running down to his neck.

“Thank you,” Daesung says. “I will wash it first before I give it back to you.”

“No need. It’s for you,” the man replies.

The shorter man lifts his head and their eyes meet. A smile is plastered on the taller man’s face, showing off his deep dimples that Daesung begins to like. He has dimple, but not as deep as Mr. Brown in front of him.

They stand in the maddening silence, just the sound of few cars on the main road becomes their background, with eyes avoiding each other’s gazes. The questions he had in mind went away just like that and Daesung hates the fact that all of a sudden, he has nothing to say. He bits his lips before he realizes that there is a handkerchief he’s holding.

“I will give this back to you.”

“It’s for you, really.”

 

Daesung looks at the man in front of him. _Is he avoiding me? Why did he say that?_ _Is he disappointed in me because I am not what he expected? Or he can’t see my color? Is he underage or…?_ The shorter man gathers all his courage and asks the important question first.

“Can you—” Daesung gulps the lump in his throat, “—see me?” _Of course he can see me,_ Daesung slaps himself mentally. _I hope he gets what I mean._

There was a long pause before the man before him nods.

“Then why—” _then why it feels like you’re avoiding me?_

That was what Daesung wanted to say but his heart is squeezed at the fact that the taller man always runs away every time he gets closer to him. In his head, Mr. Brown is supposed to be happy to see him and vice versa. But all the things Daesung got was exhaustion from his attempt to find him, not to mention he was running away from Daesung instead trying to talk to him when he saw Daesung from the stage. _He wished me happy birthday but this is a sad birthday._

Tears slowly fall from the corner of his eyes, as he thinks he failed to grasp the situation he is in. He hates the mixed feeling he has now that he could only cover his face with the handkerchief he’s been holding. He has been waiting for the moment he would meet his soul mate but all he received was pain on his chest.

He doesn’t understand why his soul mate runs away from him. His body is shaking as he suppresses his cry and he muffles himself by biting his lower lips until it bleeds a little.

 

 

After a minute crying his heart out, the next thing Daesung feels is warmth around his sobbing body. His breath hitches and cinnamon mixed with some other things invades his nostril. Without him realizing it, he scoots closer and buries his head into the crook of the taller man’s neck. He’s not shaking anymore as the hand on his back making circles to calm him down and the other hand cups the back of his head, threading the fingers in his hair.

“I am really sorry we have to meet like this…” the taller man whispers softly into his ears. “I am sorry. I was surprised to see you here…”

Daesung was about to fix his position from the warm embrace when he realizes that he is able to see the color of the light comes out from the cars and the blinking decoration on the street. He hugs the taller man back, fisting his outer jacket, and puts his chin on his shoulder. _It’s beautiful, indeed,_ Daesung thinks and he closes his eyes as the song his Mr. Brown sang before fills his cloudy mind. Moreover, the caress on his back lulls him to his sleep.

_Is there still a fluttering feeling_

_To the people walking on the street?_

_That smile is new to me now_


	3. Chapter 3

“That hottie is your soul mate, Hyung?” Seungri throws his bottom on the soft couch at the living room of Jiyong and Daesung’s shared apartment. “Damn!” Seungri slaps his own thighs and he shrugs when Jiyong glares at him.

“What happened actually? I didn’t remember a thing beside I was hugged,” Daesung ducks his head down, hands cupping a mug of hot chocolate as he feels his cheeks become warm. Seungri nudges him with his elbow and mouths ‘you’re blushing’ before Youngbae answers his questions.

“I found you and him at the back alley. He was trying to lift you up and I almost kicked him to death if I didn’t remember that you said you would catch your Mr. Brown,” Youngbae explains.

“He tried to piggyback me?” Daesung’s eyes become twice the original size. “Wait, why you are here, Youngbae Hyung?”

“I was so tired that I decided to spend the night here. And to answer your question, it was more like he was trying to put you on his shoulder like a sack of grain. He even put his guitar on the ground. Damn. For a musician, putting his guitar on the ground of course is a taboo. I guess he loves you more than his guitar?”

“He did piggyback you to our car. He begged Jiyong Hyung to put you on the front seat and he personally put the seat belt for you. Oh, he also gave his jacket to you because you didn’t let him go. _Tsk_ ,” Seungri clicks his tongue. “What a clingy lover we have here? I think you have no right to call me Clingy Panda anymore, Hyung.”

Daesung hits Seungri out of embarrassment and Seungri hits him back. It almost became a war between the younger men until Jiyong puts an end to it.

“Dae, Ri! Stop bickering!” Jiyong commands. “Daesung, you have to put his jacket to laundry and make sure the stain of your drool is washed properly! And you Panda, isn’t today your turn to cook?”

Daesung nods and put his mug on the table, ready to wash the precious jacket while Seungri whines to the older men. “And what will you and Youngbae Hyung do?”

“We’ll watch TV? Youngbae said that Hyorin has new CF and he’s kind of putting pressure on me to watch his _beautiful soul mate_ ,” Jiyong says the three last words half-heartedly to mock Youngbae that he earns a loud smack on his head. Daesung laughs aloud and Seungri stomps his feet on his way to the kitchen. After a good laugh, Daesung was about to turn his heels to his room to get the jacket when Youngbae stops him.

“Oh, Daesung-ah. I forgot to give you this,” the older man gives him a name card. When Daesung looks at it, he narrows his eyes.

“I don’t even know how to read this,” Daesung gives it back to Youngbae but he rejects it.

“I don’t know how to read Chinese characters, too. But I know his family name is Choi. Seungri-ya, would you please help this helpless fool here?” Youngbae calls the youngest man and Seungri comes in a speed of light, taking the name card from Daesung’s hand and reads it.

As the only one person who knows Chinese, Seungri reads it loudly, “Cuī Shèng Xuàn, woah—” Seungri is taken aback after he reads the _hanja._ “He has the same name with me? With different _hanja,_ though.”

“So his name is Choi Seunghyun?” Daesung chimes in and Seungri nods.

“And if I am not mistaken, this is an official name card issued by our university for the ones who pursue double degree in a certain country or the ones who are considered to be a valuable to our university,” Seungri bobs his head up and down as his eyes moving here and there on the name card. “He’s a graduate student. The yellow line under our university’s logo explain it. The undergraduate ones is red. Just for your information.”

Seungri gives back the name card and he goes to the kitchen again. Daesung reads the number beside the cell phone icon and he assumes it is his private number. _So I will wash his jacket and handkerchief and I will give it back to him._

_And get to know him more._

“Thank you, Panda!” Daesung hugs the name card near his heart and smiles ear to ear. He can’t wait to see his soul mate again. In his defense, he couldn’t see Mr. Brown well because the dim light wasn’t able to light the taller man properly. Broken-hearted Daesung is long forgotten as his Mr. Brown, no, Choi Seunghyun had glued it back together when he hugged Daesung tight back in the alley.

 

Daesung goes to his room and stares at his phone and name card, questioning himself whether he has to call or not. If he does, what will he say? He reaches his phone and types the draft.

 

Hey. This is Kang Daesung.

 

 _Have I introduced myself to him?_ The backspace does its wonder and Daesung begins to type again.

 

Hello. I’m Daesung. The one you lent ur jacket.

I want to give back ur jacket n handkerchief.

Can we meet?

 

Daesung cringes at the text. _I remember he said that the handkerchief was for me. Am I a dense person if I keep saying I want to give back his handkerchief?_ Daesung throws his head back until it bangs the headboard.

_Dammit._

He types the message again and decides the text should be short and simple.

 

 

Hi.

Want to give back ur jacket n handkerchief.

Daesung.

With a thundering heart, he inserts the number stated on the name card and presses ‘send’. He doesn’t forget to save the name as ‘Mr. Brown’. Daesung giggles at himself when he finds that he already has his own nickname for Choi Seunghyun. _It’s Saturday. Hope I don’t bother his weekend._ Hugging his knees on his bed, he closes his eyes tight. The phone is one hand away from his reach.

Not even a minute passed and Daesung feels his phone vibrating. The nervous man feels like his heart is on his throat and he’s ready to puke anytime. He knocks his phone with his forefinger and a preview of the message comes out on the screen.

 

[from: Mr. Brown]

The hk is for you, Daesung-ssi

But plz give me back my jacket :)

I guess you know my name already

SH

 

Daesung purses his lips. The jacket is laying nicely on his bed and he takes it on his embrace. It’s full with Seunghyun’s cinnamon scent that Daesung doesn’t want to let it go. In his head, Daesung wants to say that he wants to keep the jacket but… _I think I can’t._ Sighing heavily he types another text.

 

[to: Mr. Brown]

Those r urs.

I hv no right to keep it.

 

[from: Mr. Brown]

Alright.

Then can I get that back tomorrow?

 

 _Huh?_ Daesung squints his eyes. _Tomorrow?_

 

[to: Mr. Brown]

Wait. I hvnt wash it n I doubt it’ll ready tmrw.

Monday?

 

[from: Mr. Brown]

Well, kinda busy on Monday.

It’s ok. No need to wash it.

So, tmrw?

 

[to: Mr. Brown]

But… there’s a stain…

 

[from: Mr. Brown]

Well. You drooled a lot :p

Daesung kicks the blanket out of embarrassment. But there’s another vibration from his phone.

 

[from: Mr. Brown]

Hope u know I’m joking.

Would u meet me at AND.here café?

11?

 

[to: Mr. Brown]

T.T I’m sorry I drooled.

Ok. 11 it is.

 

[from: Mr. Brown]

Then we can go to lunch if u want.

Don’t say sorry.

U’re cute when u’re drooling.

_Cute?_ Daesung’s eyebrows furrows.

 

[from: Mr. Brown]

Like really cute

 

Daesung buries himself into Mr. Brown’s jacket. His heart is thumping wildly. _What is this feeling?_

 

[to: Mr. Brown]

You’re a liar

Daesung is never fond of someone texting him since he prefers to talk face to face or saying something -through the phone call. However with Choi Seunghyun, he finds his thumbs dance on the screen, typing the reply and giggling by himself over the unfunny replies. They’re not discussing something serious either; it’s just silly banter, not even a proper introduction of themselves.

Hearing the unusual giggling from Daesung’s room, Youngbae speeds to look at the younger. Youngbae and Jiyong have called the younger for times but Daesung seems not to hear it. So, Youngbae peeks from the gap of unlocked door and he finds Daesung is looking at the screen joyously, Cheshire’s cat grin plastered on his face. The older man shakes his head, hands on his hips before opening the gap wider.

“Daesung-ah? Breakfast! You won’t get full by eating love!”

***

 

Daesung couldn’t stop tossing his body here and there on his bed since the very first time he opened his eyes. Jiyong had been calling him for breakfast since thirty minutes ago but the blanket still wraps him tightly. _More like I wrapped myself tightly._

Daesung is confused. He’ll meet Mr. Brown, no, Choi Seunghyun today and he doesn’t know what to do. The closest thing he had to something called a date was when Jiyong brought him for a dinner. _Wait, is this a date?_ Daesung shakes his head. _I’m just meeting him in a café._ _Not a date. Definitely not a date._

“Daesung-ah! Eat breakfaaastt!” Jiyong’s voice breaks Daesung’s little world. “Does Hyung have to go there and drag you?”

“No, Hyung,” he lazily answers the call and his socked feet drag across the hardwood floor. Daesung throws his bottom on the chair and glues his cheek on the table. It’s better not to have anything for breakfast than to have his own body betraying him and puke in front of Mr. Brown.

“Wake up, lazy ass.” As the older man puts the tuna sandwich he made for their breakfast, he runs his fingers on Daesung’s hair. “I thought you have an appointment today?”

Daesung looks up with pouty lips at Jiyong. “I do. At 11 o’clock at Seungri’s mom’s café.”

“Then why are you still here? You have like—” Jiyong reads the clock on the wall, “—two hours left!”

“I don’t feel good, Hyung. Should I just, run away?”

“Silly,” the older man drags the chair beside Daesung and flicks his temple. “You’ve been waiting for him to come and I am sure he has too. How could you disappoint him? The one who breaks his heart is none other than his own soul mate?”

“Uhmm…”

Silence after an ‘uhm’ means Daesung understands that Jiyong is right. Jiyong flashes a smile for Daesung and pats on his shoulder come after that.

“Eat this even only two bites and then go take a bath!” Jiyong stuffs the sandwich into Daesung’s mouth and the younger complies. “Then we’ll discuss what to wear to impress the eyes of your soul mate.”

***

 

If it wasn’t because of Jiyong, Daesung would opt to wear something simpler like jeans and shirt. But having a fashionista in the house is more like a burden at a time like this. The temperature isn’t that cold but it’s also not warm. So, Jiyong told him to put on a pink cardigan (with his blurred sight of color) with his black shirt under it.

“Let’s tease him a bit with your ripped jeans,” Jiyong said. The older man also put one of his earpieces for Daesung to wear after he’s satisfied with Daesung’s appearance. “That is for you to remember that hyung always be with you, my cute dongsaeng!”

 

Then there he is.

The trip to the café from his apartment isn’t that long and Daesung arrived twenty minutes before the time. As he walks to the café from the bus stop, he texts Mr. Brown. But when he got a reply saying that the man has arrived at the café, Daesung speeds up.

From outside the café, he spots a familiar brown color appears brightly than the rest of colors. His lips curl up and he runs into the café. Daesung’s heart sets a faster pace and he isn’t sure whether it was from his previous activities, which was running, or it is because a man is grinning ear to ear when he sees Daesung walks to his direction.

“Hello.”

Daesung can hear a little voice at the back of his head squealing hard but he doesn’t know why. While suppressing the naughty voice, he sits down in front of the man.

“Hello to you, too,” Daesung returns the smile. Since when he forgets to breathe normally? It’s always like this when it comes to the man in front of him.

“If you don’t mind, I’ve ordered hot chocolate for both of us. But if you want to order anything else…” the man in front of him shrugs his shoulders.

“Oh,” Daesung exclaimed. “Perfect for the chill temperature though. Thank you.” Daesung rubs his hands together to get some warmth after running outside. His mind still wondering why the taller man knows his favorite chocolate.

“It’s a recommended menu here. So I thought it would be the best to have you the recommended,” he adds.

 _Yeah, I know because I’m a frequent here,_ was the thing Daesung wants to say but he doesn’t want to share the information yet. “Thank you once again.”

Daesung’s heartbeat is back to its normal pace, but their conversation stops after Daesung said his gratitude towards the other man. Then he looks at the bag he brought.

“Oh, before I forget. Inside this are your jacket and handkerchief. Since I only had a day, as I said, I couldn’t wash it properly. In fact, I haven’t washed it,” ducking his head, Daesung gives the bag and Mr. Brown accepts it with a smile. He rummages the bag and takes out the handkerchief, handing it to Daesung.

“Told you it’s for you, Daesung-ssi.”

Hearing his name, Daesung gets an idea how to keep conversation going between them. They don’t know each other yet besides the short messages banter they had. “I will accept that but before that, how about we introduce ourselves and asking each other questions? Thinking it as blind meeting, maybe?”

The handkerchief now is between them. The man in front of Daesung takes a deep breath before looking at Daesung.

“So, let me introduce myself first. My name is Choi Seunghyun. Going to have my 25th birthday this winter. I am a graduate student, majoring in music conducting and go back and forth between China and Korea, mainly because my job or a show.”

“Ah, that is why your name card is in Chinese…” Daesung mumbles.

“Huh?”

“You gave Youngbae Hyung a name card, but it’s written in Chinese that I had to ask Seungri to translate it for me.”

“Ah. I see… I must’ve not been in my right mind that night,” Seunghyun rubs the back of his neck. “That is my brief introduction. You can ask more later, I guess?”

“I was crazy too, if you haven’t forget it,” Daesung laughs, but he immediately covers his mouth upon realizing he was laughing too loud. Daesung looks at Seunghyun to search for any disappointment but instead he finds Seunghyun shakes his head.

“Don’t cover it. Just be yourself in front of me…”

“Alright,” Daesung uncovers his mouth and smiles. “My name is Kang Daesung. Third year vocal major, taking piano as my minor. I will have my showcase in early summer, which is my problem now. Well, you congratulated me two days ago, so it’s 22nd years old for me.”

 

They exchange a lot of questions. Daesung now knows that Seunghyun is a bad joker, took guitar minor when he was an undergraduate student. Seunghyun also an art lover and always dreams that he wants to build a museum at some point in his life. He had a dog named Charlie that died two years ago and since then he hasn’t got any dog.

Daesung then maps the face of his soul mate as he talks about himself, how his dimples appear and disappear, how his eyebrows wriggle and how his big eyes get even bigger when Daesung says that he practically has been living with Jiyong almost all of his life and still a fan of a cat robot named Doraemon. He’s got acne scars on his face like Daesung too.

During their ‘getting to know each other’ session, Daesung feels like he has been spilling beans out despite the “first” meeting they have.

Daesung feels that he is laughing a lot with Seunghyun, even more than when he talks with Jiyong, Youngbae or Seungri. After Seunghyun told him another joke, Daesung laughs. This time Daesung doesn’t want to hold anything anymore. He bends forward and shakes his head in disbelief. Seunghyun does have another way of joking. It’s so lame Daesung couldn’t help but laughing.

As soon as the laughter fades away, Daesung takes a deep breath and smiles. “You sure are something else, Seunghyun-ssi.”

“Seunghyun-ssi…” Daesung hears he mumbles as his lips curl up. But it isn’t a smile. Daesung feels like he had said something wrong when he sees the man in front of him leans to rest his back on the chair. “Hey. I get something to ask,” he says after a moment of silence.

“Yes. Please.”

“Daesung-ah. May I call you that?”

 

 _This is so fast,_ Daesung thinks. _So fast that I feel like I was in a bullet train without destination._

“If you’re not comfortable, that is okay with me, Daesung-ssi. If you feel that this is too fast, then let’s not drop the honorifics.”

Daesung’s mind wanders everywhere, trying to arrange some words into a sentence that portrays his mixed feeling well.

“But as for you to know, I’ve been waiting for so long to see you so close like this.”

 _Seventeen to twenty five is sure a lot of time,_ a voice behind Daesung’s back chimes in. _Compared to mine._

_I’ve been waiting for so long to see you._

The sentence rings in Daesung’s ear. Daesung drops his head down. Between his fringes, he catches a glimpse of sadness in the eyes of the man in front of him. Gone the twinkles Daesung saw and it’s replaced by a dark cloud hanging low above Seunghyun’s head.

_I also have been waiting for so long to see you._

 

“Hyung…” the word slips from Daesung’s mouth and Seunghyun jerks. Now he leans forward, smiling so wide that Daesung thinks it would rip his face into two.

“Would you—” Seunghyun’s Adam’s apple bobs up and down once, “—would you please say it once more?”

“Seunghyun… Hyung.”

There are a hint of disbelief in Seunghyun’s orbs once Daesung calls him again. He snorts, mouth agapes as if he doesn’t believe what he just heard.

“Daesung-ah?” Now Seunghyun calls him

“Yes, Hyung?”

The corners of the man in front of him lifted upwards, once again, showing the deep dimples he has. “Sounds good in my ears,” he bobs his head up and down while closing his eyes.

Seunghyun’s contagious smile makes Daesung smiles too. “Seunghyun Hyung?”

“Stop it, please? It’s an ear’s candy for me and too much candy isn’t good for my health,” Seunghyun leans forward and their fingers brushed. In Daesung’s eyes, the world gets brighter and he is able to see Seunghyun’s dark chocolate orbs more clearly now.

“Woah,” Daesung gapes at the slight change on his sight. Seunghyun seems to know it and once more, he glues their fingers together, even though it’s just their tips.

They stay in silence for a while and just staring at each other’s eyes, drinking all every pictures of Seunghyun. No words needed. Daesung is busy mapping the brown gradient appears in front of his eyes. With the help of natural light, the brown hair and the fair skin is more apparent in his sight.

“Hey, Daesung?”

“Hmm?”

“I am sorry,” was the last thing Seunghyun said before he grabs Daesung hands and envelopes it with his own hands.

Daesung’s eyes gets bigger at the touch since the colors blossom before his eyes. Seunghyun is no longer a gradient of browns, but he sees another colors too. Like the black-gold watch Seunghyun is wearing, the bottom up navy shirt that hugs his body well. He looks outside the window. The tulips just before the window, the blue sky, the green leaves and grass… It appears rather in dark color tone than they are supposed to, but that is enough for Daesung to awe at the color. It seems like they wave at Daesung and smile, shouting congratulation to him. _I’ve missed all these beauties?_

Their thumbs rub each other’s in silence and then Daesung realizes a pair of eyes never look anywhere but at him. Daesung instinctively pulls his hands but Seunghyun holds it tight. Between the silences, Daesung catches the ‘please just some minutes more’ from the dark brown orbs that Daesung chooses to stay. The man in front of him smiles again.

“I thought I saw it wrong but your hair color suits you a lot,” Seunghyun lets one of Daesung’s hand go and the other still on his hold. “It changes depending on the light. Grey, brown, with a hints of green. Very cool!”

“Ah, this?” Daesung grabs the tip of his bangs. “My friend dyed my hair for me. I never got to know whether it suits me or not, though…”

Seunghyun then points his forefinger at his right. A big mirror is placed on the wall and Daesung looks his reflection. Somewhat gray-ish and there is a brown hair at back of his head too. Like Seunghyun’s.

_We have the same hair color?_

“It’s like mine. Brown. But yours is dominated by the gray tone.”

Upon hearing Seunghyun, Daesung pulls away his hand and the blossomed colors become dim again. He sighs deeply, afraid that Seunghyun can hear his mind. There is a suspicion when Daesung looks at Seunghyun but the smile on his face never fade away. Moreover, Daesung then remembers that there’s no way Seunghyun can read his mind. Maybe he just read Daesung’s gesture.

“Sorry. I don’t mean that,” Daesung ducks his head down, looking at Seunghyun’s lonely hand on the table.

Seunghyun just opens his hand, like he is waiting for Daesung to place his hand above his. Without further ado, Daesung does that and once again, he is able to see the colors.

“Do you know what your color is in my eyes?” Seunghyun breaks the comfortable silence between them.

Daesung shakes his head.

“It’s yellow. Like sunshine. Warm,” Seunghyun says. “I love warmth,” now his eyes set on Daesung’s eyes. “Like when I hold your hand like this or when I hugged you at the back alley.”

Daesung swears he saw Seunghyun winked at him. It was too fast for Daesung’s liking.

“What about me?”

“Yours is brown. Like my favorite drink—” Daesung twirls the mug lightly with his free hand, “—this hot chocolate.”

“Ah, that was why your friend called me Mr. Brown?”

Daesung bobs his head up and down once.

“Then…” there is a pregnant pause between them. Seunghyun decides to play with Daesung’s fingers before he looks at the younger. “Hope I could be your favorite, replacing the hot chocolate soon.”

The younger man hopes he won’t die soon because of a heart attack.


End file.
